DotW: A Cloud In Front of the Sun

It was dark.

There was no moon the night you came. You. You who should never have been.

It hurt bringing you into this world, deep in our mountains. I’d had to hide from my own packmates - my highblood kin because of your presence. It was hard finding an excuse that was so believable that it wouldn’t be worth discussing amongst themselves.

I don’t know why I’m telling you this. Mine is a world you’ll never know. You - a bastard. Your place is lower than even the low bloods. Their births are more legitimized than yours. You and I will never know each other nor will you and your father. Some suspect what has transpired to create you but none can say for sure and I will not let you cast shame on me.

Rank is everything here and my blood is pure. I will be mated to a neighboring pack to create stronger alliances for Highvalley. You will be Highvalley’s punching bag at times. You will be ignored. You will never - never - have pups. Gh!

I wish you’d come out faster. This night drags on and the pain only grows worse. I wish he was here beside me but we cannot be seen together because of you. I do not know yet if you will even be alive when you arrive. It’ll be easier if you’re not.

Ahh!

You’re almost here. I can tell. Maybe just… one last push. ahhhHHHH!

Finally. Finally it was over. My body still shook from the effort of bringing your tiny little body into the world. It’s quiet. I sigh, relieved that maybe you didn’t ever live at all. But then I hear you. It’s a strange sound, a tiny squeak.

I look back and there you are, splaying your tiny legs out trying to move closer to anything warm in this cold mountain air. I consider leaving you there. The mountain’s frigid night would take you quick enough but I am no murderer.

I lean back, giving you a quick lick to clean you off and you immediately go silent. You can’t see or hear but you know who I am. You push forward with your tiny legs. You only move forward perhaps a pebble’s distance but you’re determined.

I hate it.

I gently grab you by the nape of your neck and move you too my belly. It’s irritating how you seem to try and fight me. I am trying to help you.

You settle down once you snuggle up in the warmth of my fur. It takes a minute until you find a nipple and begin to nurse. Then there’s no noise besides your suckling and my breathing in this home of ours. I watch you for a time. There’s a turmoil within me.

I hate you.

I do.

I hate your black coat - a coat you have thanks to your father - and your deep brown markings. You look as though you’ve been burnt by the sun.. or… as though you are blocking it out. Keeping the light from the world.

Yes.

It seems fitting. You were an accident - a rare occurrence in the pack and a once in a lifetime occurrence for me, of that I will be certain. You threaten to cloud mine and your father’s lives with your tainted creation. You are a mark on our pack’s prestige. A curse to all those you meet.

You are an eclipse.

Some might find you beautiful, interesting. Most will see you for what you really are.

That is what I will name you. Eclipse. The cloud in front of the sun. The darkness on our land. It will mark you for what you are. You must always remember.

Bastards have been killed here - sometimes even by other highbloods. If your grandfather learns of you it will be your end. And I- Gods. How could I possibly even care?

I must hate you. I must. I- I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes and the sobs in my chest. I can no longer tell if they are for me or for you. There is an agony in my chest.

No matter what I tell you now, you won’t remember. I must send you elsewhere before you can open your eyes or hear my voice. The less you know about me, the better your chances will be. I will have to give you to a lowblood. It’s the only way your sudden presence won’t be investigated.

Oh! I can give you to Aurae she’ll.. she’s taken in pups before and raised them to adulthood. You will.. You will like her.

It’s getting harder to look at you as I think about giving you to someone else. It’s.. it’s making me want to hide here forever, to protect you from what’s to come. How could I go from hating you so much to wanting to protect you?

I grit my teeth and look out into the starry night. I know there’s still tears falling but I know now…

I know they’re for you, Eclipse.